How hard is it?

There is so much I want to accomplish yet, it seems so hard to reach. I want to be this person that helps anyone in their struggle, or anything that might be out of reach for them, everything that I’m trying to accomplish seems so HARD!! I dont know how anyone does it or how anyone does it to be successful.

I woke up this morning a little unmotivated, I thought this whole blogging would be easy, yet it is not. There is so much I would like to tell you guys but I do not know if it is a little too soon to say this and also do not want to bore my readers with a long story, all in good timing, maybe then maybe some of you can relate. I am going keep being motivated as all of this is temporary and hope that all of this worry and struggle to be someone in life is worth it! Great Saturday my babes!


As I grew up I don’t think I ever knew the term “patience” or ever practiced it. I don’t think I even knew a person in my life that had “patience”. This morning I had a long over due dentist appointment, that I needed, it was an hour after my scheduled time and I was STILL sitting in the lobby. Never got called when I ran out of “patience” so I left. I know that they say patience is a virtue, but my gosh what a virtue to have as I have none & a million times I wish I did. I am 28 and I’m trying to be a patient woman as this world is filled with such short fused people including myself as one although not proud I wish I had all these other virtues that I know nothing of, as I was raised pretty much just making sure I had something to eat, some clothes on my back and to make sure I went to school.

Educated and respectful yes, something I was taught and something I am beyond grateful for. As for all these other virtues I.e patience, tolerance, gratefulness, appreciation, care, being a lady, was never taught and these are things that now as a growing mother I am beginning to see how important it is to be taught these things, only as a great virtue as you get older.

I do wish my life would have been different growing up & that I wouldn’t be judged just because of the life I have endured not asking for any of it but being born into it all. The fact that my mother passed when I was 6 doesn’t help the fact that I never grew up with a womanly figure whom I could’ve looked up to or be close too.

I remember being 14and finally starting my period. It was another school day waking up to get ready freshman year, I woke up feeling wet in my area when I noticed it was blood, the first thought that came into my head was “I’m not going to be my dads little girl anymore”. I remember not wanting to get out of my room, I rushed to hide under my bed so no one would see me when my dad noticed I didn’t go to school, he knocked on my room door and asked if I was ok, only because my step sister and I shared rooms so she told her mom what happened to which my dad found out what was going on with me, I didn’t respond to his question but stayed quiet instead.

I was never comfortable with telling my father or my step mother anything that went on in my life or if I was going through anything because we never were taught to be open about things mainly just people living with each other like room mates but having a Hitler at home watching my step sisters and I moves waiting to control someone. I wish that I had a different upbringing and that I was brought up with compassion as a child, not only myself but my siblings as well. Therefore it is up to me to teach my daughter all of these things so that she grows up to be a powerful woman.


As of the past four years I feel like my vocal freedom is very limited. I don’t see a lot of people who are even interested in the important things in life, things that can potentially be going on in the world, OUR world. Like people just want to be numbed with drama, TV, music material things that everyone forgot what really is important, and that is to take care of ourselves, our loved ones and this planet we live in, but so many are like walking zombies being so ignorant to what really matters. Seems like whatever is being put on the news and all these warning signs do not seem to affect anybody, but do remember this is the planet we were born into & will die on.