As I grew up I don’t think I ever knew the term “patience” or ever practiced it. I don’t think I even knew a person in my life that had “patience”. This morning I had a long over due dentist appointment, that I needed, it was an hour after my scheduled time and I was STILL sitting in the lobby. Never got called when I ran out of “patience” so I left. I know that they say patience is a virtue, but my gosh what a virtue to have as I have none & a million times I wish I did. I am 28 and I’m trying to be a patient woman as this world is filled with such short fused people including myself as one although not proud I wish I had all these other virtues that I know nothing of, as I was raised pretty much just making sure I had something to eat, some clothes on my back and to make sure I went to school.
Educated and respectful yes, something I was taught and something I am beyond grateful for. As for all these other virtues I.e patience, tolerance, gratefulness, appreciation, care, being a lady, was never taught and these are things that now as a growing mother I am beginning to see how important it is to be taught these things, only as a great virtue as you get older.
I do wish my life would have been different growing up & that I wouldn’t be judged just because of the life I have endured not asking for any of it but being born into it all. The fact that my mother passed when I was 6 doesn’t help the fact that I never grew up with a womanly figure whom I could’ve looked up to or be close too.
I remember being 14and finally starting my period. It was another school day waking up to get ready freshman year, I woke up feeling wet in my area when I noticed it was blood, the first thought that came into my head was “I’m not going to be my dads little girl anymore”. I remember not wanting to get out of my room, I rushed to hide under my bed so no one would see me when my dad noticed I didn’t go to school, he knocked on my room door and asked if I was ok, only because my step sister and I shared rooms so she told her mom what happened to which my dad found out what was going on with me, I didn’t respond to his question but stayed quiet instead.
I was never comfortable with telling my father or my step mother anything that went on in my life or if I was going through anything because we never were taught to be open about things mainly just people living with each other like room mates but having a Hitler at home watching my step sisters and I moves waiting to control someone. I wish that I had a different upbringing and that I was brought up with compassion as a child, not only myself but my siblings as well. Therefore it is up to me to teach my daughter all of these things so that she grows up to be a powerful woman.